Skip to content
Trending
Navigating Content Creation Burnout in Kenya: Insights from Angie Nairobi Creators Are the New PR Agencies — Here’s How How Sandra is Redefining Interior Design in Kenya with Bold Learning To Every Nairobian: 2025 is Personal This Is How Your Fav Kenyan Influencer Gets Brand Deals Nairobi Creators Are Done Faking Perfect Mastering Financial Freedom in Nairobi: Insights from Shiko Rose’s Journey: Getting Instagram Followers in Nairobi Through Inner Transformation The Nairobi Content Grind: Post or Be Forgotten? How Amina Masters the Art of Showing Up Consistently: Insights from Her Journey
  Monday 7 July 2025
  • Blog
  • Forums
  • Shop
  • Contact
Nairobi Spotlight
  • Home
  • News
    • All
    • Business
    • Creator Insights
    • Events
    • Featured
    • General
    • Lifestyle
    • News
    • Personal Development
    • Reaction
    • Tech

    Nairobi Creators Are Done Faking Perfect

    Turn TikToks into cash: 3 ways Gen Z creators are making money.

    This Is How Your Fav Kenyan Influencer Gets Brand Deals

    Mastering Financial Freedom in Nairobi: Insights from Shiko

    Prev Next Showing 1 Of 6
  • Design
    • All
    • Business
    • Creator Insights
    • Events
    • Featured
    • General
    • Lifestyle
    • News
    • Personal Development
    • Reaction
    • Tech

    To Every Nairobian: 2025 is Personal

    Nairobi Creators Are the New PR Agencies — Here’s How

    Why Your 3K Reel Rate is Killing Your Content Career

    Embracing Rebuilding: Nasra’s Journey of Resilience and Growth

    Empowering Education: Fatuma Ramadhann’s Vision at Dada Yangu Organization

    Prev Next Showing 1 Of 5
  • Video
  • Categories
    • News
      • Europe
      • Politics
        • Reaction
          • Feedbacks
          • Opinions
            • Poeple
            • Reports
      • US
      • World
    • Design
      • Architecture
      • Devices
      • Inspiration
      • Trends
    • Events
      • Movies
      • Music
      • Social media
      • Stars
    • Featured
      • Lifestyle
      • Technology
      • Tourism
      • Travel
Nairobi Spotlight
Nairobi Spotlight
  • Home
  • News
  • Design
  • Video
  • Categories
    • News
      • Europe
      • Politics
        • Reaction
          • Feedbacks
          • Opinions
            • Poeple
            • Reports
      • US
      • World
    • Design
      • Architecture
      • Devices
      • Inspiration
      • Trends
    • Events
      • Movies
      • Music
      • Social media
      • Stars
    • Featured
      • Lifestyle
      • Technology
      • Tourism
      • Travel
  • Blog
  • Forums
  • Shop
  • Contact
Nairobi Spotlight
  General  I still use matatus. But now I don’t panic when my M-PESA balance is low
GeneralLifestyle

I still use matatus. But now I don’t panic when my M-PESA balance is low

—

Sometimes, I still feel that familiar flicker of embarrassment when I climb into a matatu.

It’s not the matatu itself. It’s not the noise or the conductor shouting “tao! tao!” or the woman beside me holding a baby and a bag of groceries and somehow still managing to take a call. It’s not even the wait, it’s how time bends and twists around Nairobi traffic until 20 minutes becomes an hour and you just sit, trapped in it. No. That’s not what gets to me.

It’s the memory of panic.

You know that moment when you’re already seated, the ride has started, and suddenly, you remember: your M-PESA balance is too low. Maybe you knew before boarding, but hoped they’d take cash. Or maybe you lied to yourself: “I think I have enough. I think I topped up.”

But then the conductor walks down the aisle, collecting fares. You open the app. The screen loads. You already know what it will say.

11 bob.

I’ve been there more times than I want to admit. I’ve sent those frantic “nitumie 50 bob” texts. I’ve pretended to still be calculating my fare just to buy a few more seconds. I’ve asked the conductor in a low voice, “Can I send when I get there?”—and watched the side-eye he gives, already tired of excuses.

I used to carry that kind of panic everywhere. Not just on matatus. It showed up at supermarket tills, in restaurants when the bill came, even during the quiet moments at home, wondering how I’d stretch the last 500 bob to Friday.

And it wasn’t even about the money, not really.

It was the shame. The smallness. The constant feeling that life could crumble with one unexpected bill, one forgotten payment, one sick relative. The way your body tenses up when someone says, “Let’s split the bill” and you don’t know if you’ll have to fake a phone call just to avoid it. That was the real weight. The unpredictability of being broke. Not the actual lack of money, but the emotional gymnastics required to pretend everything was fine.

I didn’t grow up poor. But I didn’t grow up buffered either.

We were that in-between class. The “we’re okay” kind of okay. The “we have food, but don’t ask for new shoes” okay. The kind of upbringing where you learn early how to read moods, avoid unnecessary expenses, and make your own fun. We had joy. But we also had fear. Subtle, quiet fear that one bad month could change everything.

So when I started working, freelancing, side-hustling, building, I carried that scarcity mindset like luggage. I chased gigs not because I loved the work, but because I couldn’t bear the silence of an unpaid invoice. I undercharged. Overdelivered. Burned out. Smiled through it.

And yes, I still boarded matatus.

But back then, every trip was layered with quiet calculations. “How much is fare? Do I have change? Can I withdraw without being charged that annoying 11 bob fee?”

I don’t remember the exact moment it shifted.

There wasn’t a viral moment, no big client, no dramatic payday. Just small changes. I started tracking my spending—not to control it, but to understand it. I stopped lying to myself about how much things cost. I raised my rates. Once. Then again. I started keeping a little emergency balance on M-PESA, not because I had “made it,” but because I respected my peace.

Now?

Now I still use matatus. Sometimes it’s faster. Sometimes it’s just easier than dealing with parking or bolt drivers canceling. Sometimes it reminds me of where I came from. But now, when I open the M-PESA app and see the balance—it’s not panic I feel. It’s presence.

I see it. I know I’m okay.

I don’t mean rich. I mean okay. There’s enough. Enough for fare. Enough for a backup. Enough to not feel like I’ll crumble when a conductor taps my shoulder.

And more than that—there’s enough inside me.

Enough awareness. Enough self-trust. Enough self-respect to know that my worth isn’t measured by how many zeros are on my balance, or whether I can Uber to every location, or if I choose to take a matatu like everyone else.

Do I still flinch a little when someone asks “uko na ya kutoa?” Sure. Habits die slow.

But now, I don’t spiral. I don’t feel that tightness in my chest. I don’t feel like I’m failing at adulthood because I chose the public route. There’s no shame in being grounded. In being frugal. In being real.

Sometimes, the biggest flex is not needing to perform.

Not needing to show off a lifestyle you can’t sustain. Not needing to prove you’re okay by avoiding things that are simply part of Nairobi life. Because the truth is—many of us are still healing our relationship with money. With class. With perceived status.

We’re still learning that being at peace is wealth.

So when I say, “I still use matatus. But now I don’t panic when my M-PESA balance is low,” I’m not just talking about fare.

I’m talking about healing.

I’m talking about no longer needing financial theater to feel enough. I’m talking about the quiet kind of progress that doesn’t look like a new car or designer shoes but feels like exhaling in peace after paying rent early.

It’s a small win. But it’s real.

And I’ll take that over hype any day.

FacebookX TwitterPinterestLinkedInTumblrRedditVKWhatsAppEmail
How Amina Masters the Art of Showing Up Consistently: Insights from Her Journey
Empowering Education: Fatuma Ramadhann’s Vision at Dada Yangu Organization
Related posts
  • Related posts
  • More from author
General

Mastering Financial Freedom in Nairobi: Insights from Shiko

General

How Amina Masters the Art of Showing Up Consistently: Insights from Her Journey

General

Embrace Your Unique Journey: Insights from Vesha on Self-Empowerment

Load more
Read also
General

Mastering Financial Freedom in Nairobi: Insights from Shiko

Business

Empowering Education: Fatuma Ramadhann’s Vision at Dada Yangu Organization

General

How Amina Masters the Art of Showing Up Consistently: Insights from Her Journey

Tech

Charting New Paths: Dorris’s Journey as a Mental Health Advocate with Kijiji Link

General

Embrace Your Unique Journey: Insights from Vesha on Self-Empowerment

Lifestyle

Embracing Rebuilding: Nasra’s Journey of Resilience and Growth

Load more
Social networks
FacebookLikes
X TwitterFollowers
PinterestFollowers
InstagramFollowers
YoutubeSubscribers
VimeoSubscribers
Popular categories
  • General12
  • Lifestyle8
  • Creator Insights6
  • News3
  • Featured2
  • Reaction2
  • Personal Development2
  • Events1
  • Business1
  • Tech1

Mastering Financial Freedom in Nairobi: Insights from Shiko

Empowering Education: Fatuma Ramadhann’s Vision at Dada Yangu Organization

I still use matatus. But now I don’t panic when my M-PESA balance is low

How Amina Masters the Art of Showing Up Consistently: Insights from Her Journey

Charting New Paths: Dorris’s Journey as a Mental Health Advocate with Kijiji Link

Mastering Financial Freedom in Nairobi: Insights from Shiko

Turn TikToks into cash: 3 ways Gen Z creators are making money.

This Is How Your Fav Kenyan Influencer Gets Brand Deals

The Power of Starting Small with Zena Achieng

Nairobi Creators Are the New PR Agencies — Here’s How

    # TRENDING

    © Copyright 2025, All Rights Reserved
    • About
    • Privacy
    • Contact